Contribution

Greetings friends!!!  I pray the day is treating you well.  As I enjoy a beautiful and sunny Sunday afternoon, I find myself thinking about the planet and the environment in which I live.  I find myself thinking about the luxuries I enjoy everyday and the accessibility to those things I desire. 

I am currently taking a class that has focused a great deal on the ability of a society to sustain itself and whether or not our actions of today will lead to a collapse of that society tomorrow.  Examples have been given of other societies that have collapsed (i.e. Easter Island) but now in the final days of class, we are focused on our comsuption and irresponsible behavior in the U.S.

I have never been one for "Go Green".  Not that I oppose recycling but I am truly a consumer.  I leave lights on, the TV is on in more than one room, I don't unplug electronics while not in use.  All of these things not because I am trying to destroy the environment, but because I never really thought that my attention to this detail would make a big difference.

As I educate myself however, I am learning that attention to these details will make a difference.  I stopped buying bottled water and instead have my one water bottle that I refill everyday.  I use my tote bags in Wal-Mart, Target and grocery stores instead of using the plastic bags they have at checkout.  I am working on unplugging unused electronics....but will admit, I am not totally there yet.  I truly believe educating yourself is the greatest gift you can give yourself because it is through this that my eyes have opened a little more.

So what's the point of all of this.....well simply put, a little bit from everyone makes a difference.  I am not becoming an environmentalist....at least not yet.....but I am becoming aware of what is going on around me and the role that I play in my environment.  I also planted a garden.....a way to sustain myself  and my family....my contribution to the bigger picture.  Perhaps one day my consumption will decrease, I will depend on solar power, I will stop watching TV....or at least decrease the amount that I do.  Until then I feel good knowing I made a start...took a few steps.  My job now is to inform and educate my son.  After all, it's my job to make sure the world he is left to live in is one worth having. 

Find your mojo, know your role and educate yourself!!!  Love you all!!!

What's My Worth?

Greetings friends!!!!  I pray the day is treating you well.  My blog today is about worth.  What is your worth, more importantly (as it pertains to this blog) a woman's worth.

As I searched Google for various articles, I came across one about Master P, his wife Sonya and their impending divorce.  She is asking for 37% of his vast billion dollar fortune.  Since their relationship began back in the day and Master P was simply a hustling man working his way to fame and fortune, a prenup was not signed.  Now it seems Master P doesn't think his wife is deserving of the money she is asking for. 

So my question to you is.....what's a woman's worth?  Many women stand beside their man as he works hard to achieve the success he so deeply desires.  So many of these relationships begin in high school, college, grad school etc. when he is another struggling Joe Blow working his way up the corporate ladder.  It is during this time that a woman proves her value and shows how much faith she has in the man she loves.  It is during this time that they may live together, marry and/or start a family.  If he is in school, she may work so he doesn't have to and can focus on his studies.  She may work and pay all the bills so he can focus on building a music career, start a business or have time to train and develop his athletic skills.  It is during this time that she will be the encourager, motivator, sh*t taker, secretary, travel agent, life coach, business manager, study partner, housekeeper, solo child care provider and lover.  It is during this time she may forgo her own ambitions and dreams so he can focus on his....sometimes with the promise of "next year baby, you can work on that" only to find that "next year" doesn't come. 

Her hard work, determination and devotion is greatly rewarded when her man achieves his success.  She is probably more proud than he because she was able to watch him work hard and grow into the man he has become.  She knows her love and support never waivered and she stood beside him all this time. 

The fairy tale is that they continue to grow together, she is able to achieve her goals and dreams too.  They provide a life for their family that perhaps was never a reality for them as children.  She is his right hand and his biggest cheerleader.  He values her and everything she did for him so he could do what he needed to for himself, for her, their family and THEIR future.  In the fairy tale, they grow old together and love each other until the day they die.

Sometimes the fairy tale is the reality but when it is not....then what?  Are all the things that occurred up to that point null and void?  Were her sacrifices in vain?  During the rise of his success did she endure other hardships....cheating, left to raise a family alone, left in the shadows and left to tolerate all of it.....after all, she gave up her youth for him....there is no way she is walking away now. 

At the moment when divorce seems inevitable, what is her worth then?  Is she told..."you didn't make me....I made me".  Is she left for a younger version of herself?  Is she devalued by her children because they only see a "Mom" who stayed home while Dad worked....not the smart, savvy, resourceful woman she really is? 

If the roles were reversed.....if men stayed home, played the supportive role while their girlfriend, wife, worked hard to achieve her dreams of becoming a pop star, CEO, doctor, lawyer, business owner....if after she gave birth, she went back to work and he stayed home with the kids, did her errands, took care of managing the family while she worked 15 hour days, only to end in divorce and told "you didn't make me, I made me....you aren't entitled to any of MY fortune", would he feel the same or say "okay...no problem....let me start my life over at 40, 50 or 60 years old".  How we he feel?  How would you feel?

I have an opinion on this matter and I have seen the above scenario play out in real life.  I have seen the effects and understand the cause.  A woman's worth can not be valued by a dollar amount because if she is a strong woman, who loves her family and loved her man.....the sacrifices she made are priceless.  All I can say Master P and others who may feel the same.......if you take a look back over your life, look at the one who gave up herself for you, she would be entitled to part of the life she helped you build. 

Unfortunately ladies.....we are often on the short end of the stick.  Find your MOJO, build your life and never forget who you are.....the true being of your core is never gone, regardless of how much of her you think you gave away.

Love you all!!!

Problem or Solution?

Greetings to all!!!  I pray the day is treating your well.  I heard something today that was eye opening to me.  When we focus on the problem, we will never see the solution!!  Wow!!  Really??!!  Well duh!!!  Something so simple is so true. 

I work in management and deal with different people and different problems everyday.  Some days it seems I am a firefighter and spend all my time putting out the flames and smothering the smoke before it becomes a full blown 5-alarm fire.  Part of the challenge and why I think so many "problems" are never resolved is because we spend time focused on the problem and not the solution. 

I get it....it is easy to complain....it is a lot easier to gripe about what is going on than it is to actually work on making the problem better.  Why?  Isn't it exhausting when someone complains all day long?  Doesn't it just suck the life right out of you when you hear constant negativity all day long?  Then stop it!!  Yes....YOU....STOP IT!!! 

You stop it!!!......Stop the person when they complain about something (at work, at home, etc.).  Stop and ask them, "So what are you going to do about it?".  If anyone brings me a complaint, then they better bring me a solution. 

You stop it!!!.....Stop feeding the negativity.  If you starve something, it will die.  Stop feeding into the drama and entertaining problems.  At this point, ACT and become part of the solution. 

You stop it!!!......Work on becoming the person who solves problems.  There is danger here though.  You can be the person who solves problems, but don't do it alone.  Use your problem solving skills and help others develop those same skills so everyone becomes part of the solution instead of everyone being part of the problem.  Don't be the lone firefighter. 

So, let's do this.....the next time someone brings you a problem I encourage you to STOP and ask qualifying questions.  What is the real problem?  Typically what they say first isn't the problem.  Dig deeper and uncover what is underneath.  Talk through possible options.  Ask why, what, who and how.  When you talk out the problem and discuss the challenges you have, a solution is always found. 

All of the things mentioned above require one key element.  It requires leadership.  Leadership includes trust.  It includes conversation.  It includes a commitment to being part of the solution and not part of the problem. 

Find your Mojo!!!  Love you all!!

Re-define Who You Are

Greetings friends!!! I pray the day is treating you well. Question for today.....Whose job is it to tell us who we are? Who has to right to "define" the person we were, we are or who we are going to be? You can't control others opinions of you (although your actions and character influence their opinions) but you can completely control your opinion of yourself. We often compare ourselves to others. We compare our look, our possessions, our children and our families to those of others. In this social media obsessed world we live in we also compare ourselves to reality stars and celebrities as if they were our next door neighbors.

Well my dear friends.....I am here to tell you.....YOU define who you are and if you aren't satisfied with your life or yourself at this moment, then RE-DEFINE who you are and become the person you want to be. Now please understand....this message has one very clear point....you MUST learn to be happy with YOU and work to become the best you not the best imitation of someone else. We each have individual gifts, talents and attributes that make us who we are. If we spend our time trying to be someone else, then we will never achieve self satisfaction or the happiness we yearn to have.

Re-defining yourself can be many things. It is achieved by being open, honest, positive, accepting and a willingness to change. Sometimes it means stepping outside our comfort zone. We have to become uncomfortable to be comfortable again. Quite often our lives force us to re-define who we are. Life changing events such as marriage, children, loss of a loved one, changes at work, divorce or tragedy change the course of our lives and as we adapt to these changes we re-define the person we are. For example, I lived my life to the fullest in my 20's (who didn't right?!). I was responsible for myself only and took risk and did things that now, as a mother, I wouldn't dream of doing. It was time to "grow-up" and become a better me.....a better me so I could be the mom my son deserved. Life changing events can be the catalyst for change but more often than not we may need to re-define on our on accord and not wait for a special event to be the springboard to our better, enriched life.

So, how do you do this? Start with personal growth. Everything you know up to this point has gotten you this far. In order to become a better you, growth is essential. Read books with positive messages. One of my favorite books is What To Say When You Talk To Yourself by Shad Helmstetter. This book addresses our self talk. It is so easy for us to say what we can't do verses what we can. Changing your perception of yourself is the first step to re-defining and becoming a better you. The second step is to surround yourself with others who have achieved the success you wish to achieve and/or live a life with the values and morals you have or are working to embrace. If I want to become an executive at work, then I want to surround myself with other executives. If I want to open a business, I surround myself with other entrepreneurs. The key here is to identify the positive, uplifting support system you need and allow those individuals to be the loudest voice in your head. Lastly, it is important to set goals for yourself and write those goals down. If I have heard it once, I've heard it a million times.....Everyone should WRITE DOWN their goals. That is so true but writing down your goals is part 1. Part 2 is reading those goals-EVERYDAY. Remind yourself of everything you wish to achieve and who you want to be.  This way, when the "old you" tries to resurface, the "becoming you" will take center stage.

There is so much more I could write about but for me, the 3 steps mentioned above are the starting point for my re-definition. I will continue to grow and work towards improving myself. Everyday I fall in love with the person I am becoming.....and I am becoming the person I always wanted to be.  I pray the same for you.

Love you all!!!!!

It's my look....don't judge me!

Greetings to all!! I pray the day is treating you well. We live in a world today where anyone can be anyone they want to be. Remember the commercial...Is it real? Or is it Memorex? Well that is the question many people ask when they meet someone new. If you don't like your nose....get a new one. Want bigger breast....how about DD. Your natural hair isn't long enough....sew some in. In this world of self absorption, keeping up the Joneses and physical obsessions, it seems to need for others to change their natural look is stronger than ever. With a simple nip and tuck or a little glue or yarn....anyone can be anyone they want to be. There was a post on social media today about weave. The comments that poured in from men and their views on "un-natural" beauty were as comical as they were informative. So...the truth is a lot of guys don't like fake hair? Or at least not the type that looks fake. They think women wear make-up and hair extensions to compete with and please each other. Hmmm...let me think on that one. I know several women who wear hair extensions...from what I can tell they do it simply for one reason.....to please themselves. I wear make-up and I do it for one reason.....to please myself. I do understand their point about wearing so much make-up it rubs off on their clothes...or if you do wear hair extensions, failure to keep your hair groomed is simply unacceptable. I am sure if I were a man, I would want to run my hands through my girls hair (I like it when my man does!!) so wanting a woman in her natural state is understandable. The only thing "fake" I have ever worn are fingernails....and even with those, the cost of upkeep and damage to my natural nails was too much for me so I let those go. I have been guilty of judging others, failing to understand why a woman feels the need to have fake breast, face-lifts and with my beautiful black sisters....fake hair. I have challenged women to wear their natural hair and embrace their beauty as it is. With that being said, I have also learned that a woman should do whatever it is she wants to do if it makes her feel better about herself. If it makes her morning routine easier....if she is growing out her hair and extensions help....if she just doesn't like her small breast and wants a little more cleavage than she currently has....it's her prerogative. Who am I to tell someone they have no choice but to "shake what their Mama gave them"? So gentleman.....who are you to judge? Who are you to tell us how we should look? If men didn't like it and women with "enhanced" beauty didn't attract them, they would stop...right? If men truly loved the "natural" girl.....not the "natural" girl with fine textured hair and chiseled features.....then everyone would be natural right? Our look is what initially attracts us to each other. It takes more than looks to keep someone. The love you feel should be based on the person inside not outside. If you were initially attracted to a woman with fake accessories...in this case hair, and you saw what she looked like when she took it off, would you look at her any differently? Would you have been attracted to the natural woman the same way you were attracted to her before the extensions came out? At this point you are attracted to the person's spirit not their look....or I am wrong? I get it guys....I really do. I love my natural beauty, and I did wake up like this!!! The point is, I have learned not to judge others for what they chose to do for their self esteem, beauty routine or simple desire to be different....and you should do the same! Love you all!!

Forgiveness

Greetings to all!!! I pray the day is treating you well. To be grateful-one must also be FORGIVING. At some point in our lives we all experience hurt and pain. Sometimes intentional...sometimes unintentional-regardless, the pain is still the same. The hurt we experience could come from friends, family, co-workers, lovers or strangers. Imagine this...... Amanda loved adventure. She was the first person to try something new. She wore many hats and always gave 100% to all her endeavors. She surrounded herself with like minded individuals....people who shared her entrepreneurial spirit and drive to do more and be more. She considered herself to be a supportive friend-always there to cheer others on. She supported friends and family without exception. As her success grew so did the success of others. She was overjoyed and did everything she could to be a resource for them. As time progressed, she found her show of support was not reciprocated. It began to eat away at her. She found herself beginning to despise and envy the success of others because she felt no support from them in return. This couldn't continue. She wasn't this person. In order to genuinely care about others she couldn't judge them based on their treatment towards her. She couldn't let their lack of support cause her to feel ill-will towards them. She had to forgive! Everyone looks at things differently. We see things and experience things via our walk in life. When someone hurts you-forgiveness is the only option you have. Without it friendships are lost, families are torn apart. Without it we are incapable of being who we were meant to be and doing what we are meant to do. Amanda showed her support and had true joy in her heart for her friends. Those who supported her openly did and those who didn't-didn't-but it was okay. She loved them always and never stopped being the friend to others she wanted in return. Love and support the dreams of others. There is plenty of sunshine for us all. Love you all!!!

A Day Late and A Dollar Short

Greetings to all!! I pray the day is treating you well. Do you think any of us ever plan on being left behind? I don't. We don't want to be people who always "talk" about it. We want to be the people who DO something with it. Making changes in your life can be hard....especially when you do it alone. The goals and dreams you have are floating in the universe waiting to be brought to life. Your dreams....BIG ideas....need to become reality but know, if you don't act, someone else will!! When that happens you will find yourself A Day Late and A Dollar Short. The only thing we have is time. Once it is gone....it's gone. Lots of people have wonderful ideas. What is the difference between those who do and those who don't? EXECUTION!! Don't be a person who talks about it...be a person who IS about it. It would be a waste to look back on your life and realize all you didn't do....don't end up A Day Late and A Dollar Short. Seize your destiny and find your MOJO!!! Love you all!!!