Life and Death

Greetings to all!!  I pray the day is treating you well.  I always try in my post to provide some insight and something motivational to help others work through trials and have a positive outlook on the different challenges of life.  As I share these post, it serves to be a moment of inspiration and clarity for me.  They are always personal and are birthed from some personal experience I would have recently had. 

The loss of those we love is difficult for anyone.  I have experienced it a few times in my life and the process never gets any easier.  We hope we are lucky enough to make wonderful memories with those we care so much for.  We should, while they are living, take advantage of the time we are able to spend together.  I find that the fear of loss is what is frightful.  To be left to live without those we care so much about is difficult to imagine but we all know it is a time that will come sooner or later. 

Some loss occurs unexpectedly…….a car accident, a heart attack or any other event that would take our loves one before we (or they) are prepared.  Then of course there is loss that occurs due to ailing health, when you know your loved one will soon pass.  Let’s not forget old age…..none of us are immortal.

The loss of my Grandmother Sneed was the first time I really experienced that emotion and the void that is left when someone so dear to you is no longer here.  She suffered from cancer……such an awful disease.  I was 27 years old.  She was my Mother’s mother and the only Grandparent I really knew.  I won’t say I was ready for her to go but I had an understanding of her condition, her age and the effects of cancer. 

When my Great-Aunts passed away, I was prepared more for their death.  They were elderly and becoming sick so I knew that time would come. 

I was fortunate enough to work for a great leader.  Dr. Steffan was my mentor and someone I looked up to.  He taught me everything I know about dentistry.  He too was diagnosed with cancer.  His death however was unexpected.  We thought he was getting treatment and would recover.  We had no idea how bad he was.  When I received the call that he had passed away, I was so shocked, scared, upset and heartbroken.  The funny thing about life and death is that before Dr. Steffan passed away, I had a dream about him.  We were at work and I saw Dr. Steffen pull up outside.  I needed to talk to him and as I chased behind him, calling his name, I couldn’t catch him.  He kept saying, “You know what to do Susan”.  Those were his words to me and I kept telling him I needed to speak to him but he wouldn’t stop for me to catch up.  Shortly thereafter, he passed away.  I had a few more dreams about him after that…..always worked related and at a time when I was struggling and needed his guidance. 

I have also had dreams about my best friend’s Mother, Mrs. Bates.  I loved her dearly and her death had a big impact on me.  She would be in my dreams, always out of reach but around and I could see her and tried to talk to her.  I had a dream that my Grandmother was living again.  She was living across the street from me but I could never see her and she would never come out of the house.  I thought she was living although I knew she was not.  I had this recurring dream for some time before it finally just stopped. 

Today I sit in the hospital.  I am forced to face the reality that my Father may soon depart this earth.  It is a moment of denial for me.  I look at him in the hospital bed and can’t help but be optimistic that he is going to wake up and go home.  He is 86 years old.  He has had a wonderful life and has been blessed beyond measure.  I understand however that he is ill and he is elderly.  He has Alzheimer’s, Dementia, cancer on his kidney and pneumonia.  Even with all of that, he looks good, his color is great, he is trying to talk and knows when you are around.  We sit today and watch the beginning of the National Republican Convention.  My father…….always the politician, the leader, the fighter and the crusader. 

I don’t know what the next few days look like, the next few weeks or the next few months.  What I do know is that I love my Father, I have been a good daughter and I know I have made him proud. 

Love you all!!!!

Ignorance!

Greetings my friends.  I pray the day is treating you well.  What do you do when ignorance is right in front of you?  How do you respond……..or don’t respond……when someone spews verbal hatred?  I don’t understand racism, prejudice or bigotry.  I don’t understand why ignorance runs rampant in our world. 

I have spent the last 5 days enjoying Paris.  I have experienced a different culture and way of life.  I have watched fashionistas with Gucci cross body bags ride bicycles in the Champ de Elysees.  I have observed different races, different cultures converse about what they see and their experiences, in what is said to be, one of the best places on Earth. 

Tonight we celebrated the birthday of my dear friend.  We dressed up, ate at a beautiful hotel, drank wine, laughed, snapped pictures, talked and embraced our environment.  At the end of our evening, we walked outside ready to take some last minute photos before our Uber arrived. 

What happened next was unexpected and disappointing.  A group of people (obviously drunk….at least I hope they were) got into their car in front of where we were standing.  “1, 2, 3, 4, catch a Nigger by the toe!”……….Now say what?!?!  Did I really just hear that?  Did this really just happen?  Okay…….let me think before I act.  The natural response that brews inside when that word is heard is something that I can’t explain.  I am in Paris, they are in a car, I am with my son, I am with my friend, she is with her baby…….okay let me think before I act. 

My son, being ever so observant, said “Mom…..don’t!  Mom…..I see you, let it go!”  So, I stood there and stared……I stared at the passengers in the car.  I stared at the silly, drunk, ignorant buffoons in the back seat.  The girls saw me looking…..eyes piercing their vehicle.  As if I were Superman with laser focus burning the back of the car.  They ducked down (as if I couldn’t see them).  They told the men up front to drive off (which they did not for several minutes).  They would not look at me.  When they did and I was STILL staring, they quickly turned away.  As they drove out one girl mumbled something about Cookie Lyon….blah, blah, blah and off they went. 

In the moment of processing my thoughts I realized that ignorance is ignorance.  Yes, my reaction was to go over to the car, grab someone by the hair, pull them out and proceed to unleash my fury.  My reaction was to walk to the window and spit in the face of hatred.  Those words are hatred!  I could never imagine myself saying ANYTHING like that of any race!  Who does that?  When is that okay?  How is that okay?  How do you fix your mouth to say those words?  Cracker…..Honkey…….Sand Nigger…….Chink…….Wetback……..Oreo……..whatever the word, it is all the same……ignorance.  Racism, prejudice and bigotry are birthed from ignorance.  Ignorance of other cultures, ignorance of other races, ignorance of action, ignorance. 

I would have never thought that I would come to Paris and be subject to such a thing.  Don’t get me wrong, it happens everywhere, but in this moment, it was so unexpected and so disappointing.

If you have never been on the receiving end, then it may be hard for you to understand.  It may be hard for you to identify with the feelings, the blood boiling, the heart pounding, the fist clinching, the anger you feel when someone disrespects who you are. 

I continued to stare the car down and even took a photo to somehow public shame these idiots.  As they drove off, I understood what I witnessed was ignorance.  We will fight, not with our fists but with our words, our actions, creating awareness, having conversations, championing change and bridging the gaps.  I will educate my son so he is aware, he is prepared, he is informed and he is enlightened.  He just had the opportunity to meet a beautiful woman from Morocco who spoke so passionately about her world travels, her time in America and her life in Paris.  She told him how he would be loved in Morocco.  She was so open and so true. 

That was a moment I had to let pass.  That was a moment I had to recognize the ignorance and let them be.  That was a moment I used to teach my son some very valuable life lessons.  Things I pray he never experiences but unfortunately I am afraid he will again. 

Does it ever stop?  I don’t know, I hope so, I pray so.  Today was a good day…..it was a great day.  So, I see ignorance as ignorance and chose to let them be.  The next person may not be so forgiving.  I may not be so forgiving.  Let us educate, embrace and respect.  You don’t have to know me but you will respect me. 

Love to you all!!!