Life and Death

Greetings to all!!  I pray the day is treating you well.  I always try in my post to provide some insight and something motivational to help others work through trials and have a positive outlook on the different challenges of life.  As I share these post, it serves to be a moment of inspiration and clarity for me.  They are always personal and are birthed from some personal experience I would have recently had. 

The loss of those we love is difficult for anyone.  I have experienced it a few times in my life and the process never gets any easier.  We hope we are lucky enough to make wonderful memories with those we care so much for.  We should, while they are living, take advantage of the time we are able to spend together.  I find that the fear of loss is what is frightful.  To be left to live without those we care so much about is difficult to imagine but we all know it is a time that will come sooner or later. 

Some loss occurs unexpectedly…….a car accident, a heart attack or any other event that would take our loves one before we (or they) are prepared.  Then of course there is loss that occurs due to ailing health, when you know your loved one will soon pass.  Let’s not forget old age…..none of us are immortal.

The loss of my Grandmother Sneed was the first time I really experienced that emotion and the void that is left when someone so dear to you is no longer here.  She suffered from cancer……such an awful disease.  I was 27 years old.  She was my Mother’s mother and the only Grandparent I really knew.  I won’t say I was ready for her to go but I had an understanding of her condition, her age and the effects of cancer. 

When my Great-Aunts passed away, I was prepared more for their death.  They were elderly and becoming sick so I knew that time would come. 

I was fortunate enough to work for a great leader.  Dr. Steffan was my mentor and someone I looked up to.  He taught me everything I know about dentistry.  He too was diagnosed with cancer.  His death however was unexpected.  We thought he was getting treatment and would recover.  We had no idea how bad he was.  When I received the call that he had passed away, I was so shocked, scared, upset and heartbroken.  The funny thing about life and death is that before Dr. Steffan passed away, I had a dream about him.  We were at work and I saw Dr. Steffen pull up outside.  I needed to talk to him and as I chased behind him, calling his name, I couldn’t catch him.  He kept saying, “You know what to do Susan”.  Those were his words to me and I kept telling him I needed to speak to him but he wouldn’t stop for me to catch up.  Shortly thereafter, he passed away.  I had a few more dreams about him after that…..always worked related and at a time when I was struggling and needed his guidance. 

I have also had dreams about my best friend’s Mother, Mrs. Bates.  I loved her dearly and her death had a big impact on me.  She would be in my dreams, always out of reach but around and I could see her and tried to talk to her.  I had a dream that my Grandmother was living again.  She was living across the street from me but I could never see her and she would never come out of the house.  I thought she was living although I knew she was not.  I had this recurring dream for some time before it finally just stopped. 

Today I sit in the hospital.  I am forced to face the reality that my Father may soon depart this earth.  It is a moment of denial for me.  I look at him in the hospital bed and can’t help but be optimistic that he is going to wake up and go home.  He is 86 years old.  He has had a wonderful life and has been blessed beyond measure.  I understand however that he is ill and he is elderly.  He has Alzheimer’s, Dementia, cancer on his kidney and pneumonia.  Even with all of that, he looks good, his color is great, he is trying to talk and knows when you are around.  We sit today and watch the beginning of the National Republican Convention.  My father…….always the politician, the leader, the fighter and the crusader. 

I don’t know what the next few days look like, the next few weeks or the next few months.  What I do know is that I love my Father, I have been a good daughter and I know I have made him proud. 

Love you all!!!!

Ignorance!

Greetings my friends.  I pray the day is treating you well.  What do you do when ignorance is right in front of you?  How do you respond……..or don’t respond……when someone spews verbal hatred?  I don’t understand racism, prejudice or bigotry.  I don’t understand why ignorance runs rampant in our world. 

I have spent the last 5 days enjoying Paris.  I have experienced a different culture and way of life.  I have watched fashionistas with Gucci cross body bags ride bicycles in the Champ de Elysees.  I have observed different races, different cultures converse about what they see and their experiences, in what is said to be, one of the best places on Earth. 

Tonight we celebrated the birthday of my dear friend.  We dressed up, ate at a beautiful hotel, drank wine, laughed, snapped pictures, talked and embraced our environment.  At the end of our evening, we walked outside ready to take some last minute photos before our Uber arrived. 

What happened next was unexpected and disappointing.  A group of people (obviously drunk….at least I hope they were) got into their car in front of where we were standing.  “1, 2, 3, 4, catch a Nigger by the toe!”……….Now say what?!?!  Did I really just hear that?  Did this really just happen?  Okay…….let me think before I act.  The natural response that brews inside when that word is heard is something that I can’t explain.  I am in Paris, they are in a car, I am with my son, I am with my friend, she is with her baby…….okay let me think before I act. 

My son, being ever so observant, said “Mom…..don’t!  Mom…..I see you, let it go!”  So, I stood there and stared……I stared at the passengers in the car.  I stared at the silly, drunk, ignorant buffoons in the back seat.  The girls saw me looking…..eyes piercing their vehicle.  As if I were Superman with laser focus burning the back of the car.  They ducked down (as if I couldn’t see them).  They told the men up front to drive off (which they did not for several minutes).  They would not look at me.  When they did and I was STILL staring, they quickly turned away.  As they drove out one girl mumbled something about Cookie Lyon….blah, blah, blah and off they went. 

In the moment of processing my thoughts I realized that ignorance is ignorance.  Yes, my reaction was to go over to the car, grab someone by the hair, pull them out and proceed to unleash my fury.  My reaction was to walk to the window and spit in the face of hatred.  Those words are hatred!  I could never imagine myself saying ANYTHING like that of any race!  Who does that?  When is that okay?  How is that okay?  How do you fix your mouth to say those words?  Cracker…..Honkey…….Sand Nigger…….Chink…….Wetback……..Oreo……..whatever the word, it is all the same……ignorance.  Racism, prejudice and bigotry are birthed from ignorance.  Ignorance of other cultures, ignorance of other races, ignorance of action, ignorance. 

I would have never thought that I would come to Paris and be subject to such a thing.  Don’t get me wrong, it happens everywhere, but in this moment, it was so unexpected and so disappointing.

If you have never been on the receiving end, then it may be hard for you to understand.  It may be hard for you to identify with the feelings, the blood boiling, the heart pounding, the fist clinching, the anger you feel when someone disrespects who you are. 

I continued to stare the car down and even took a photo to somehow public shame these idiots.  As they drove off, I understood what I witnessed was ignorance.  We will fight, not with our fists but with our words, our actions, creating awareness, having conversations, championing change and bridging the gaps.  I will educate my son so he is aware, he is prepared, he is informed and he is enlightened.  He just had the opportunity to meet a beautiful woman from Morocco who spoke so passionately about her world travels, her time in America and her life in Paris.  She told him how he would be loved in Morocco.  She was so open and so true. 

That was a moment I had to let pass.  That was a moment I had to recognize the ignorance and let them be.  That was a moment I used to teach my son some very valuable life lessons.  Things I pray he never experiences but unfortunately I am afraid he will again. 

Does it ever stop?  I don’t know, I hope so, I pray so.  Today was a good day…..it was a great day.  So, I see ignorance as ignorance and chose to let them be.  The next person may not be so forgiving.  I may not be so forgiving.  Let us educate, embrace and respect.  You don’t have to know me but you will respect me. 

Love to you all!!!

Paris!

Greetings to all!!!  I pray the day is treating you well.  

Is it necessary to pinch myself?  I sit here looking around the room and realize again….I am in Paris!!!  There is something magical about this city.  I understand all the hype that goes into Paris!!!  My son and I ventured across the ocean to come to a land we have never explored before.  How would the flight be?  How would he be?  What would he eat?  That is the million dollar question.  My son has a very limited palate….something unfortunately he inherited from me (not now but as a kid).  We have managed to survive so far.  The food is only a small part however of this Parisian adventure.  For him to experience another country, another culture at an age that he will remember is a priceless opportunity for me. 

I often wonder what my life would have been like had I experienced other countries at a young age.  I did chose to study Spanish in college although I had no exposure to the language or culture outside of high school Spanish.  I would have moved to Mexico had I not become pregnant with my son.  Knowing that I have a love of languages naturally, I wonder what would have been if at 12 yrs. old, I was able to see Europe? 

I could see myself living in Paris.  The beautiful scenery, the landscape.  The fashion and uniqueness of everyone walking down the street.  I love the play of dressy attire with tennis shoes and denim jackets.  Smoking is like drinking water here…..very interesting.  I wonder how many people in France have lung cancer.  I tend to believe not as many as in the US (percentage of people with cancer in accordance to number of residents).  I think their tobacco is probably not as toxic as ours with lots of other things added to it.  I don’t know…..I will have to research that. 

It is a social city.  The restaurants are full of people eating bread, olives, nuts and cheese while drinking wine.  From early afternoon to late evening, it is as if no one wants to go home.  In the summer, the days are light until late, late evening.  With the early rise of the sun the markets open, shop keepers are sweeping the sidewalks.  There are people out having café and croissants.  The morning is just as active as the evening.  Everyone is stylish in their own way.  There is a sense of style that resonates throughout the entire city. 

For this American girl, I am enjoying my adventures overseas.  I am enjoying my time abroad.  I am so grateful that I am able to share this experience with my son.  I am so blessed to have friendships that transcend time and I am able to be here with my best friend.  I am so thankful for the freedom of time to be able to be here.  I am humbled by the adventures I am able to take that so many are unable to achieve.  I am grateful that the good LORD gave me this life.  To HIM I give honor and praise and appreciate the beauty of the world he created.

And so, GOD willing, I will wake tomorrow and continue to explore this city….Paris!

Love you all!!!!

Contribution

Greetings friends!!!  I pray the day is treating you well.  As I enjoy a beautiful and sunny Sunday afternoon, I find myself thinking about the planet and the environment in which I live.  I find myself thinking about the luxuries I enjoy everyday and the accessibility to those things I desire. 

I am currently taking a class that has focused a great deal on the ability of a society to sustain itself and whether or not our actions of today will lead to a collapse of that society tomorrow.  Examples have been given of other societies that have collapsed (i.e. Easter Island) but now in the final days of class, we are focused on our comsuption and irresponsible behavior in the U.S.

I have never been one for "Go Green".  Not that I oppose recycling but I am truly a consumer.  I leave lights on, the TV is on in more than one room, I don't unplug electronics while not in use.  All of these things not because I am trying to destroy the environment, but because I never really thought that my attention to this detail would make a big difference.

As I educate myself however, I am learning that attention to these details will make a difference.  I stopped buying bottled water and instead have my one water bottle that I refill everyday.  I use my tote bags in Wal-Mart, Target and grocery stores instead of using the plastic bags they have at checkout.  I am working on unplugging unused electronics....but will admit, I am not totally there yet.  I truly believe educating yourself is the greatest gift you can give yourself because it is through this that my eyes have opened a little more.

So what's the point of all of this.....well simply put, a little bit from everyone makes a difference.  I am not becoming an environmentalist....at least not yet.....but I am becoming aware of what is going on around me and the role that I play in my environment.  I also planted a garden.....a way to sustain myself  and my family....my contribution to the bigger picture.  Perhaps one day my consumption will decrease, I will depend on solar power, I will stop watching TV....or at least decrease the amount that I do.  Until then I feel good knowing I made a start...took a few steps.  My job now is to inform and educate my son.  After all, it's my job to make sure the world he is left to live in is one worth having. 

Find your mojo, know your role and educate yourself!!!  Love you all!!!

What's My Worth?

Greetings friends!!!!  I pray the day is treating you well.  My blog today is about worth.  What is your worth, more importantly (as it pertains to this blog) a woman's worth.

As I searched Google for various articles, I came across one about Master P, his wife Sonya and their impending divorce.  She is asking for 37% of his vast billion dollar fortune.  Since their relationship began back in the day and Master P was simply a hustling man working his way to fame and fortune, a prenup was not signed.  Now it seems Master P doesn't think his wife is deserving of the money she is asking for. 

So my question to you is.....what's a woman's worth?  Many women stand beside their man as he works hard to achieve the success he so deeply desires.  So many of these relationships begin in high school, college, grad school etc. when he is another struggling Joe Blow working his way up the corporate ladder.  It is during this time that a woman proves her value and shows how much faith she has in the man she loves.  It is during this time that they may live together, marry and/or start a family.  If he is in school, she may work so he doesn't have to and can focus on his studies.  She may work and pay all the bills so he can focus on building a music career, start a business or have time to train and develop his athletic skills.  It is during this time that she will be the encourager, motivator, sh*t taker, secretary, travel agent, life coach, business manager, study partner, housekeeper, solo child care provider and lover.  It is during this time she may forgo her own ambitions and dreams so he can focus on his....sometimes with the promise of "next year baby, you can work on that" only to find that "next year" doesn't come. 

Her hard work, determination and devotion is greatly rewarded when her man achieves his success.  She is probably more proud than he because she was able to watch him work hard and grow into the man he has become.  She knows her love and support never waivered and she stood beside him all this time. 

The fairy tale is that they continue to grow together, she is able to achieve her goals and dreams too.  They provide a life for their family that perhaps was never a reality for them as children.  She is his right hand and his biggest cheerleader.  He values her and everything she did for him so he could do what he needed to for himself, for her, their family and THEIR future.  In the fairy tale, they grow old together and love each other until the day they die.

Sometimes the fairy tale is the reality but when it is not....then what?  Are all the things that occurred up to that point null and void?  Were her sacrifices in vain?  During the rise of his success did she endure other hardships....cheating, left to raise a family alone, left in the shadows and left to tolerate all of it.....after all, she gave up her youth for him....there is no way she is walking away now. 

At the moment when divorce seems inevitable, what is her worth then?  Is she told..."you didn't make me....I made me".  Is she left for a younger version of herself?  Is she devalued by her children because they only see a "Mom" who stayed home while Dad worked....not the smart, savvy, resourceful woman she really is? 

If the roles were reversed.....if men stayed home, played the supportive role while their girlfriend, wife, worked hard to achieve her dreams of becoming a pop star, CEO, doctor, lawyer, business owner....if after she gave birth, she went back to work and he stayed home with the kids, did her errands, took care of managing the family while she worked 15 hour days, only to end in divorce and told "you didn't make me, I made me....you aren't entitled to any of MY fortune", would he feel the same or say "okay...no problem....let me start my life over at 40, 50 or 60 years old".  How we he feel?  How would you feel?

I have an opinion on this matter and I have seen the above scenario play out in real life.  I have seen the effects and understand the cause.  A woman's worth can not be valued by a dollar amount because if she is a strong woman, who loves her family and loved her man.....the sacrifices she made are priceless.  All I can say Master P and others who may feel the same.......if you take a look back over your life, look at the one who gave up herself for you, she would be entitled to part of the life she helped you build. 

Unfortunately ladies.....we are often on the short end of the stick.  Find your MOJO, build your life and never forget who you are.....the true being of your core is never gone, regardless of how much of her you think you gave away.

Love you all!!!

Problem or Solution?

Greetings to all!!!  I pray the day is treating your well.  I heard something today that was eye opening to me.  When we focus on the problem, we will never see the solution!!  Wow!!  Really??!!  Well duh!!!  Something so simple is so true. 

I work in management and deal with different people and different problems everyday.  Some days it seems I am a firefighter and spend all my time putting out the flames and smothering the smoke before it becomes a full blown 5-alarm fire.  Part of the challenge and why I think so many "problems" are never resolved is because we spend time focused on the problem and not the solution. 

I get it....it is easy to complain....it is a lot easier to gripe about what is going on than it is to actually work on making the problem better.  Why?  Isn't it exhausting when someone complains all day long?  Doesn't it just suck the life right out of you when you hear constant negativity all day long?  Then stop it!!  Yes....YOU....STOP IT!!! 

You stop it!!!......Stop the person when they complain about something (at work, at home, etc.).  Stop and ask them, "So what are you going to do about it?".  If anyone brings me a complaint, then they better bring me a solution. 

You stop it!!!.....Stop feeding the negativity.  If you starve something, it will die.  Stop feeding into the drama and entertaining problems.  At this point, ACT and become part of the solution. 

You stop it!!!......Work on becoming the person who solves problems.  There is danger here though.  You can be the person who solves problems, but don't do it alone.  Use your problem solving skills and help others develop those same skills so everyone becomes part of the solution instead of everyone being part of the problem.  Don't be the lone firefighter. 

So, let's do this.....the next time someone brings you a problem I encourage you to STOP and ask qualifying questions.  What is the real problem?  Typically what they say first isn't the problem.  Dig deeper and uncover what is underneath.  Talk through possible options.  Ask why, what, who and how.  When you talk out the problem and discuss the challenges you have, a solution is always found. 

All of the things mentioned above require one key element.  It requires leadership.  Leadership includes trust.  It includes conversation.  It includes a commitment to being part of the solution and not part of the problem. 

Find your Mojo!!!  Love you all!!

Re-define Who You Are

Greetings friends!!! I pray the day is treating you well. Question for today.....Whose job is it to tell us who we are? Who has to right to "define" the person we were, we are or who we are going to be? You can't control others opinions of you (although your actions and character influence their opinions) but you can completely control your opinion of yourself. We often compare ourselves to others. We compare our look, our possessions, our children and our families to those of others. In this social media obsessed world we live in we also compare ourselves to reality stars and celebrities as if they were our next door neighbors.

Well my dear friends.....I am here to tell you.....YOU define who you are and if you aren't satisfied with your life or yourself at this moment, then RE-DEFINE who you are and become the person you want to be. Now please understand....this message has one very clear point....you MUST learn to be happy with YOU and work to become the best you not the best imitation of someone else. We each have individual gifts, talents and attributes that make us who we are. If we spend our time trying to be someone else, then we will never achieve self satisfaction or the happiness we yearn to have.

Re-defining yourself can be many things. It is achieved by being open, honest, positive, accepting and a willingness to change. Sometimes it means stepping outside our comfort zone. We have to become uncomfortable to be comfortable again. Quite often our lives force us to re-define who we are. Life changing events such as marriage, children, loss of a loved one, changes at work, divorce or tragedy change the course of our lives and as we adapt to these changes we re-define the person we are. For example, I lived my life to the fullest in my 20's (who didn't right?!). I was responsible for myself only and took risk and did things that now, as a mother, I wouldn't dream of doing. It was time to "grow-up" and become a better me.....a better me so I could be the mom my son deserved. Life changing events can be the catalyst for change but more often than not we may need to re-define on our on accord and not wait for a special event to be the springboard to our better, enriched life.

So, how do you do this? Start with personal growth. Everything you know up to this point has gotten you this far. In order to become a better you, growth is essential. Read books with positive messages. One of my favorite books is What To Say When You Talk To Yourself by Shad Helmstetter. This book addresses our self talk. It is so easy for us to say what we can't do verses what we can. Changing your perception of yourself is the first step to re-defining and becoming a better you. The second step is to surround yourself with others who have achieved the success you wish to achieve and/or live a life with the values and morals you have or are working to embrace. If I want to become an executive at work, then I want to surround myself with other executives. If I want to open a business, I surround myself with other entrepreneurs. The key here is to identify the positive, uplifting support system you need and allow those individuals to be the loudest voice in your head. Lastly, it is important to set goals for yourself and write those goals down. If I have heard it once, I've heard it a million times.....Everyone should WRITE DOWN their goals. That is so true but writing down your goals is part 1. Part 2 is reading those goals-EVERYDAY. Remind yourself of everything you wish to achieve and who you want to be.  This way, when the "old you" tries to resurface, the "becoming you" will take center stage.

There is so much more I could write about but for me, the 3 steps mentioned above are the starting point for my re-definition. I will continue to grow and work towards improving myself. Everyday I fall in love with the person I am becoming.....and I am becoming the person I always wanted to be.  I pray the same for you.

Love you all!!!!!