Odd Man Out

Greetings Friends!!  I pray the day is treating you well.  Remember when we were kids and making friends, trying to fit in was all that mattered?  I grew up with the same group of friends from kindergarten to 12^th grade.  I never had to “make friends”.  We were established in our role, hierarchy and social status before we knew what any of that meant.  College was different.  I connected easily with less than a handful of people.  I didn’t socialize well or make many friends.  Honestly though, I didn’t care…..simply because I had my friends back home. 

It is interesting to see however as we grow up and our lives evolve, the process of friendship doesn’t change.  In fact, I think for some of us, it gets even harder.  If you are married, you become friends with other married people.  Your circle expands with the spouses of your spouse’s friends.  Once children are part of the equation, the friend circle gets bigger with the parents of your kids friends. 

There are a few dynamics that can significantly change the relationships mentioned above.  Let’s say you get divorced…….well, the “couples” you were such good friends with don’t necessarily want their husband or wife hanging out with the newly single you.  All of a sudden, the invites slow down, people are busy or the evening out is for couples and you would be the odd man out.  It becomes uncomfortable for you and for them. 

Let’s not forget…..All the Single Ladies…..boy Beyoncé tried it didn’t she!?!?!  Single women around the world put their hands up in solidarity!!  Well sisters…..where is that solidarity when you are the new “single” mom on the block?  I don’t mean divorced mom….but truly, never been married single mom.  The single mom at school, trying to make friends with all the married moms has to be the hardest friendships to create.  It takes a moment for them to let you in.  It is as if they are waiting it out…..what is her kid like?  Are they here for one year?  Is she flighty?  She isn’t divorced…….oh, she is a single mom L  It is said with a little tone of “poor baby girl”.  There is always one married mom however to welcome you to the fold.  She slowly introduces you to the group.  They offer to let you carpool during fieldtrips.  Or speak to you during school plays….”Hi….how are you?  So good to see you!”  Of course said with a little smile and side hug.  The only thing is, you aren’t in the circle.  The first sign is when you see a few pictures on social media and think….”hmm, they all went out?”  Let’s not forget the family vacation trips or the girl’s trips or the dinner dates or the house hangovers or…..STOP!!!! 

Why do we seek approval?  We all have a core group of people we spend our time with.  Still however, especially women, we want, desire, crave and need to be accepted in all social circles.  We start to feel some kind of way when one of the friend groups doesn’t openly let us in. 

It is a strange dynamic to witness and even stranger to be a part of.  I guess at the end of the day, we never stop being little kids wanting to make friends on the playground.  We never stop wanting to sit at the table during lunch and have someone openly welcome us in.  The best thing we can do is remember what it feels like to be left out and vow not to be a contributor to the problem.  No one wants to be the “Odd Man Out”.

Love you all!!